I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
