I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
honey bunches of taint.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
