I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
