mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
