you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
