I wish life had little blips of pornography
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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