i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
