You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
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