so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
