I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
