Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
