I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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