and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Randomize
