Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
