so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize