I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
