i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
