so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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