I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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