oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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