Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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