people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
