Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize