Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Randomize
