Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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