new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
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