he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
