I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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