He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
