Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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