i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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