I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
