dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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