She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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