Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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