Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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