well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
