And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize