no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize