I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
