she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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