you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
