A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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