If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize