I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you win again, gameday.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
