Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
