Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
