I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
