yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Just high enough for therapy.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Randomize
