Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
