She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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