I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
