Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
