I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize