Welp...herpes.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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