porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
