I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I need to calm my uterus...
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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