so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
