There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
