Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
