She is in my trunk
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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