Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
is wine microwaveable?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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