Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
