So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Mom said you looked used
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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