1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
