I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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