i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
