I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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