If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
