I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize