i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize