I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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