reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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