We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
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