haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
no, he came in my armpit
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
