oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize