My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
