Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
