he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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