I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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