No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
